The Whirldwind of Christmas

So what can I say? I mean honestly I do not know where to start from… I guess the start; that as good as any.

So lots of things have happen over the past fortnight, hence, not blog post. I got sucked into a whirlwind of Christmas, run ins and just nonsensical rubbish. Which bring to now, which is now roughly 2 weeks until Christmas- YAY!

I knew something like this would happen that’s why I got sorted in October, for Christmas that is.

So, I guess I have started with Christmas so I may as well carry on. So Christmas is an… intense time and not because its happy, jolly and good will to all men. Why do all the men get a good Will? I’m a Gecko, does that mean I get a bad Will? Anyway I’m trying to distract. Did it work?

If you are still reading I’m guessing no…

Anyway back on track so Christmas in intense blah blah blah. It’s mainly because my brothers birthday is caught slap bang in the middle sorting things out. He always been awkward, its fine. I would now be around 10 years since he is no longer around. In that time we find are own ways of dealing, some good, some bad and some… let’s say it’s from a certain point of view. I really don’t know how to say it on here, but I’m semi-stupid and I laugh at my own jokes so here goes… . This year we decide to mess around with tradition, which coming from us is saying something. So for context, my family isn’t Christian, we I guess come under the Taoist bracket and I mean I guess because we are traditionalist and there is me who is doing psychology to help people in a Taoist way. I gone Western to go Eastern and that’s isn’t fun. The two contradict each other so much that I go with the flow depending who I am talking means a cap to put on. Which wearing every other hat, plus a Christmas bauble hat. It isn’t HO HO HO, more Why? Why Why? Anyway… skating around my inevitable mental breakdown over cultural divides. We deciding to put up all the decorations in our house within the first week of December, not after my brothers birthday. So that changed- ugh. It seems odd that even with this pandemic, our Christmas hasn’t really changed all the family was under one roof. So the UK rules don’t apply. Other then how we got all the gifts my way was Amazon and eBay. The trek through Amazon was hard I had to search A-Z. Sorry, but I thought we really needed a bad joke there. Mainly as I am finished with that paragraph but don’t how to move over.

So run-ins. It seems almost ominous. For me it was certainly that. Mine was with the police, as it is Christmas time they have started doing drug and alcohol check on people around the bridges and town centre where I live and that has caused some issues. For me this means, I can’t twitch, tic, talk to myself and/or leave with own a phone or a friend/family member. I HAVE to mask. If you don’t know what masking is, simply put and completely oversimplifying it. Masking is where some one who is Autistic has to stop what makes them autistic and conform with the people around them. I stopped masking around 10 or so years ago, I got bored of people liking a fake me. Saying this this as also left issues. Mainly that last bit in my mini list. I have to keep a phone on me or have a friend with me. This is because I have something called an ICE on here which at least in the UK means In Case of Emergency. On here it says my allergies, but also any medical conditions I may have. The trouble we have is the police don’t always believe the ICE and that can mean people are brough to the station ‘for further questioning’. This in itself can be worrying, but I live in a place where and its area the police let three people who had autism die before they were question and two of them it was before the cell door was closed. So that’s why I have to mask, it’s a few seconds that ends up being self-preservation.  So I have had I think three run ins with the police, luckily they just pass me, for two of them I had no ID or ICE so I would have been masking to the extremes.  I am fortunate enough that I can just blend in with crowds, but boy is it hard not being able to say ‘Pika’ or **** a hamster/ [insert an animal name]. Mainly as this is what makes me, well me.

So now for the nonsensical rubbish. Which I am simply calling cutting lose cords. So I have been ordering of different things, in my head not online. To me its normal I will do it every year as to me school was one of those places where I made Acquaintances, so when that part of school was done, no one really cares about me and I just go another way. Then I would make more and so on and so on, you get the drift- I am not going to spoon feed you that much.  So I do a call point where I work out who is still in my life and if I want to let anyone back in. I hope that makes sense. Only do this once a year purely to exercise some mental control. So I got ditched by a ‘friend’ because I wouldn’t move from beliefs in Tao over their friendship. As I am from a traditional family which is ironically is choice, life and freedom. They wanted me to move away from choice and go to something that I didn’t choose. Sorry, but it don’t work like that. I should mention that I could always see something like this coming. Sometimes, I have a bit of dark humour where I will poke the sleeping bear because the rant that is so out of proportion is caused by a pin drop or something that has already been ruled. So that was fun, because I got to see what lengths they would go to try and keep me from choice, now I teach others and they will learn to look for them. Silver linings are always in the funny parts of life. To add to the nonsensical pile the people who are meant to help me find work have just proven that they can’t really read and that they can’t tell the difference between a role which a paid add on to your volunteering and a job. The difference here is umm one is a job! To make things worse they forgot I had autism, which is why I am with them; then they keep changing the person I am talking to. Sadly I can’t get rid of them or else I would have to handle people who think autism isn’t real and that someone with hyperacute senses can work somewhere what has lots of smells and load noises. Yeahhh no. I think I will pass and just hide until I have my degree. Which I am saying is brilliant at the moment. I have just finished my social study block, after the computers stopped revolting. Which was fun. I had to work out why I couldn’t see 3/4 of my work. So far may tutor has been amazing every time I have got confused they have helped me. It so nice to have someone actually treat me like a human.

So yep this has been my two or so weeks where I haven’t blogged or just been doing something else. I know I normally blog on Friday… or the weekend when I realise it isn’t Friday. That means in two weeks’ time it will be Christmas I won’t be blogging around that time, but I may have something festive up hopefully then I will be summing up the year in my last post of the year which will be out on Monday/ Tuesday as Friday is news years day. I have something placed for that day as well. So there are things coming, just now got to wait until January then you will have new things, maybe shiny things. I will be starting to do some fandom bits as well. Now I have worked out how to sort out WordPress.

So I hope you all enjoy my very packed but empty blog. Please like, comment and subscribe. My panel that I see is a little broken, but I still get notifications.

I will see you with my next post.

Published by The Autistic Gecko

I am a blogger and podcaster who is on the Autistic Spectrum. I talk about Autism, Mental Health issues and anything that I think deserve a voice.

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